Summer has turned its leaves the color of heat

Here we are, past the middle of another month, past the uprising surrender of longer and longer days, the equinox behind us, the solstice inching its body away. Today for the first time I thought about growing old. I saw my body as if it was shedding feathers, its color paler and paler, a life dusking slowly. I thought of my 30's, of having a PhD, of feeling my soul come into its own, the poet, the lover within released into the stream of eternal conversation. The ability to recognize meaning in everything, without feeling a pressing need to name it. Just that, the ability to be small and embrace reality in its grandeur. I imagine this sense grows in your 40's. Oh yes, and the harmony, the intricate subtle realization, actualization of life itself within us. Being apart of something so much larger than yourself, being swallowed, abandoning, and yet maintaining individuality.

What do we rely on in our youth? Our strength, our health, our abilities. Even as I write this, I feel so invincible, as if the most intoxicating elixir flows through my veins, as if the world itself moves in a pattern I recognize and understand and everything, everything must be expressed, must be felt, must be consummated. Life is made to be drunk deeply, full cup, rushed and impulsive. And yet ... no. I pray for the wisdom of future decades, for the freedom to sip and wait and trust in something other than my own ability. I pray for a love to unites me to the One who is Love; that is the place where strength is found. "Even young men grow tired and weary ... but those who trust in the Lord, they shall renew their strength, they shall rise on wings like eagles"

Summer may be winding its golden road, time spiraling itself wider and wider ... I will wait on Him.